Instead of a speed-through, we ran the observation deck scene. We updated the intimacy in this scene and changed our hand press to a cheek press as our kissing substitute. That part of the rehearsal was a huge success, but I felt odd in the scene itself. The atmosphere of the rehearsal felt off, and the theatre was quite desolate, but I don’t think that entirely explains it.
I found it easier to play in the moment when I engaged with my surroundings. Otherwise, I felt almost void of thought. This immediately made me think of the section “The Empty Head” from The Actor and the Target.
Donnellan talks about how the “moment of release often seems like an emptying. Indeed the newly free actor often asks, ‘Is that all?’” When you are lost in the reactions of your partner, you are free. “The scene becomes less about how she sounds, and more about what Romeo hears.” Your preoccupation with yourself diminishes and your energy increasingly engages with your partner.
SO!… Is that what happened yesterday? I think in part, yes. Another part of me recognized that my body was blocked, and my eyes were locked to the floor. Donnellan wants me to get lost in my partner’s reaction so I’ll forget about my (Mason’s) fears. This is really important, but I think I need to try this in conjunction with physicality, as that showed promise in helping me both feel free and use my entire body (which helps me feel and express my ideas).
Tomorrow we’re doing our final designer run, and I want to EXPLODE physically. This way I’ll become lost in the moment and can try to be free for at least most of my scenes. Maybe tomorrow is the time to do too much, though the idea scares me. Welp, it’s written in this journal, so I suppose I have you (the reader) to keep me accountable. Wish me luck!