Today went really well! Sometimes, I was a little self-conscious and I forgot my pipe in one scene, but I continued exploring new choices.
The best part of today was the final scene. I was a little more present, and the active ideas swept me away. In life, I almost never cry and find it very hard to be vulnerable. But in that final scene, I was overcome with emotion and shed a few tears onstage. As Arbuthnot, I was fighting those tears badly, and it gave me a wonderful obstacle to fight.
I didn’t feel any “Is that all?” during that scene. My mind was filled with ideas: Poirot communicating things, seeing if the others see what I do, comforting Mary. I didn’t need to force these to be present because they made themselves known. If I needed to comfort Mary it would become apparent, since she was looking at me and clearly needed her hand held.
I was also kinder to myself today. I felt awful for not having my pipe onstage during the tableau, especially since Marc was in the audience, but I wouldn’t berate my friend for doing the same. I also know that letting it get to me won’t help me have faith in myself and the world around me. So… just fo’getta bout it.