I’ve been scratching my head for a while now, deciding how to wrap up my experience in this show. It’s proven quite difficult because I am in a completely different place than before the show.
For one, I can now separate my personal life and the production. Much of the burden I felt from being an actor was constantly ruminating about my lines. I’d replay moments in my head 24/7 and couldn’t catch a break. Now, my work is much more deliberate. It’s still anxiety-driven, but I no longer permit myself to work unhealthily.
I also learned a lot about what does and doesn’t work for me in my process. As it turns out, I don’t need a lot of research early on! I do need a lot once I’ve developed the character. I didn’t quite know what to ‘research’ in the beginning aside from the given circumstances, but by the end I was scraping through the internet to learn about pipes, medals, and ticket prices to flesh out every moment.
My journal entries have given me an interesting insight into how I operate as a person. Anytime something goes awry, I am compelled to try something new to fix it. This rehearsal felt like what rehearsal ought to be. I had a clear objective every day, whether it be trying a new mindset or a new physicality.
I was also given opportunities to question my anxiety-driven mind when mistakes felt like life or death. This was brought into special focus when working with The Actor and the Target by Declan Donnellan. It correctly deduced that my largest obstacle as an actor, and frankly as a person, is fear. Interrogating my feelings in addition to learning to trust myself more was a great test. It is both where I grew the strongest and what I have the most to work on going forward.
I am intensely proud of this project and this production. It shows how much goes into my work and is proof that I’ve come far in this department. High school Mason would be terrified to look at this webpage and imagine how much work it is, and I grin to myself knowing it doesn’t cover half of it.
I really don’t want to finish this last sentence because it means this show really is over, but I know it shows in who I am that it’s still there, chugging and choo-chooing along. Thank you.