Another strong performance today! It was very odd doing a murder mystery show and it is bright outside when you’ve finished. I heard more “oohs” in the audience today whenever something was revealed. This made me feel great because it’s relatively objective evidence that we’re communicating our story. This was reinforced by the talkback session we had where someone asked “Do you think Poirot did the right thing?” and everyone went “Oooooooh,” showing that the show was more than just entertaining, but the ending moment left an impression on them.
I didn’t feel like my body was entirely there for me today, but as I found last performance, that can only be fixed by warming up and trusting myself. I may scour the Actor and the Target book for some of Donnellan’s opinions on this.
As for enjoying the work I’ve created, I’m having a tough time. There will never be a perfect performance where I felt 100% in it the entire time, nor will there be one where at least one scene didn’t feel mediocre on my end. I no longer need measures of success for how well I’m performing. I’m now seeing that my feelings are based on whether I was having fun, not if I was doing well. There is a correlation between the two, but if I try to have fun as a means of ‘doing better’ I’ll be forcing it, which is more demonstrating than being genuine. Additionally, my priority right now is to, in essence, enjoy it while it lasts.
For next week’s final performances, I want to allow myself to have more fun. This doesn’t necessarily mean I should act goofy, but it does mean that I can surprise my partners or push myself to 170% in some places. I may clinically run through this on Thursday to find some new opportunities.